Go rescue a box of kittens. NOW.

Ah, the day after Halloween. The day of candy hangovers, real hangovers (for older people of course) and cleaning the wrappers out of the nooks and crannies of wherever you consumed 4 lbs. of your candy in under two minutes. You may wonder why we as Americans celebrate this holiday, or why it's celebrated the way it is? I mean really, what kind of fool creates a holiday where you run around in a costume and ask strangers for candy in the dark and cold of the night before the first day of November?

The Celts. Specifically the Irish. Halloween was originally considered to be the only night of the year where evil spirits could prowl about the world. So to protect themselves, the Irish would wear masks. You're probably trying to figure out how stumbling around in the dark asking for camdy fits into hiding from ghosts. Well, it was also a harvest festival of sorts; you would walk around your village and ask each neighbor for a small treat. If they gave you something, that meant they were prepared for the coming winter. If they didn't, that meant they weren't, and if that was the case, food would be given to the person in one of two ways; either children would deposit the food on the house's doorstep, knock on the door and run away. Or the kids would throw it through your window. In any event, the hope was that the neighbor would survive the winter.
Now, the name is an entirely different matter. "All Hallow's Eve" was an English Catholic tradition in which the members of a village would process to the church, stay there the whole night and recite the names of the departed. Hence "Hallow's" (grave) and "Eve" (night) The belief that evil spirits rode about on that night carried over, but not only because the devil wanted to scare people away from the church, cause let's face it. If it's Irish, the English want it.
Now that you know why Halloween is the way that it is, I'm going to tell you 5 things that annoy me that people do on (or near) Halloween.

1. Handing out things other than candy

Ok, it's Halloween, and kids expect candy. I have no idea what you're thinking giving 3-18 year olds who are on suger highs, fruit, popcorn, pencils, and (not kidding) toothbrushes. (Do you want quilted, or non when I come back later?) Save the political statements for your next protest. This is about the kids, not your desire to push your healthy propaganda. The kids aren't gonna eat the apples or use the toothbrushes. If anything, they'll throw them at your house. Hippies.

2. People who go out on "Devil's night"

Ok, so for those of you who don't know, Oct. 30th is called "Devil's night", because this would be the night when bands of kids run around and play pranks on people. Personally, I find this to be one of the most base practices in existence. Tee peeing innocent people's houses is wrong. Setting vacant homes on fire is a felony. At least wait until Halloween to egg the toothbrush house. Then I might not want to hit you with my car to keep you from breeding. Just stay home and cyber bully some random person's blog and compensate for your lack of masculinity that way. Seriously. Prove to me that you're actually worthy of being called a man.

3. Hipsters

No list that's listing things you dislike can be complete without hipsters.

4. People who take half the candy from the "just take one piece" bowls

Ok, this person is being kind enough to offer you candy, even though they're not even home. This person is personally trusting you, someone they'll probably never see, hear, or even know of their existence again. And you break that trust. Plus, you're shortchanging every person after you, they want candy just as much as you do, but they take one piece. Go rescue a box of kittens from a burning building and redeem yourself. Go. Now.

5. Having a dentist appointment the day after Halloween

I don't really care much about this, but this happens to me every single year. I just wait till I get home from the dentist to eat all my candy. (which will be in about an hour I hope)

That completes my list of things I hate about what people to on or near Halloween. This is meant to be funny, and if you're offended,

that's a "you problem".


Thanks for reading, and please leave comments. Happy All Saints day!